The Richness of Sorrow

I lost my Grandpa this week. He was my last living grandparent.

I cannot claim his death as my loss alone - it is a more profound loss for my father, aunts and uncles. They lost their father. And although the passing of Eugene Bradford was not a surprise, it does sting the way only the death of a family member stings.

It really has nothing to do with how close we were. I have to admit that we were not very close. Still, he was a presence in my life from the day I was born. He is included in some of my earliest and most profound memories. I can trace characteristics from him, through my father directly to me. Some are assets, others are not. But either way, he is a part of me. So for that reason- among many others - I mourn the loss. And look forward to mourning in the company of my family.

I am lucky to say its only happened a few times in my adult life. But, in my experience, there is nothing as powerful as the process of mourning the loss of a family member. I recall the last experience as one of the most beautiful and most powerful in my life. I've been wondering why - and I think I figured it out.

First, there are not many occasions during which an entire family comes together. Sure there are holidays, but often we are too busy running around, running errands and splitting our time up between other relatives and in-laws to really enjoy the company of our families. Especially if we have to travel great distances. But a death in the family is different. Its usually not anticipated or planned and it almost always brings relatives from every corner of the country (or the world) together.

And second, and perhaps most important, is the opportunity to lean on one another. I hope I can express this accurately: We spend our lives, especially as adults, being self-sufficient and strong (at least we try). A death in the family is one of the few times in life when we permit ourselves to depend on someone else. A time when we know that others understand our pain, because they're feeling it too. And because of that shared pain, and the shared support, we feel closer and more connected than at any other time in our lives. It is rich! Because of that support, the sting of the loss gets a little bit duller, while the rest of the world gets so much more vivid. Laughter is brighter, smiles are genuine, hugs are bigger and more meaningful. Even food tastes better! And during the richness of sorrow - families are strongest.

So in the coming days I will gather with my family to mourn the passing of my Grandfather. I will lean on them and I will allow them to lean on me. And I will pay respect to the man who, in some way, brought us all into the world. And I will not overlook - or under appreciate - the love and support of my family.

Rest in peace Grampa.