Rock Star!

    When I was younger. I'm not saying young, just younger. I was determined to be a rock star. I think a lot of people get that idea while they're teenagers. So, in that regard, I was not unique. It’s not even original! Huh, rock star! How pedestrian!

       Anyway, considering my limited talent - I along with many good friends managed to make the most of our youthful angst and ambition. We played, we recorded, we practiced and toured. We worked hard! I mean really dedicated people working very hard for something with very little, if any, return. I failed in becoming a rock star, but not because of a lack of effort.

Maybe its all the signals in society, but most of us rage against the ordinary life. Car companies sell minivans to suburban families by convincing them that they are still hip, cool, or beautiful. Even as we get married, have babies and go to parent-teacher conferences, we still hold that desire deep inside to do something extraordinary, something special. At least I do. That's not an insult to dads and moms who dedicate themselves to providing a stable, comfortable and secure home for their children. That, in itself is an extraordinary endeavor. But often, we focus so intently on our kids, that we lose sight of ourselves.

I gave up my rock star dream. For more than a decade, I convinced myself that I had my chance. I sat on the couch. I let life happen to me. I sat on the couch. I got divorced. I felt sorry for myself for a while.

But now, at an age when I society says I should be sitting on my ass, I am living more boldly than ever.

No, I'm not likely to sell millions of albums and play to huge arenas. But I am finally finding that I am capable of something extraordinary. Not just once in a while - every day!

Today, I wrote an email to my mother to tell her about the weekend I spent training to be an instructor in another group fitness program, BodyPump.

For the last two years, I've been instructing another program, called RPM - an indoor, group cycling class, kind of like "spinning." If you know me, you already know this. I told my mom all about the company that produces the programs, Les Mills. I could repeat the same praise here. But really, Les Mills is just a company, more like a global corporation that produces a really good product. And they invest a lot of time in training and preparing people like me to sell that product.

In their advertisements, car companies may try to convince you that you are rugged, outdoorsy, sophisticated or sexy just by driving a car.

I and many of the instructors I know make you believe you that you are strong, beautiful, and fit because you are strong beautiful and fit. Often people do not realize what they are capable of, until someone believes in them and pushes them to go where they did not believe they could. I am proud to be one of those people. I am proud to help people surprise themselves, and to transform them selves. Not by spending a wad of money on a car, but by working hard and having fun.

This is me saying, “I will not sit on the couch” - literally and figuratively. I will not sit and watch my 44th year pass into my 45th. I will not sit and watch a summer come and go, a Christmas, or an election cycle. I’m going to get up and live. Not only am I going live, I’m going to help other people live.

Who knew? Maybe I am a rock star!

The "T" Word

It was exactly a year ago that I wrote about tragedy- an Earthquake in Haiti. At the time, I felt terribly inadequate as a journalist to tell that story. I said it would happen again.

It has.

And once again I am shown how far short we fall in our effort to tell the story.

So, six people are dead and many more injured after some guy decides he knows better than the rest of the world. He decides who’s worthy of living and pulls a glock in Arizona. Yes, I’ve told stories of earthquakes, floods and terrorists attacks that killed hundreds… or even thousands. But these six lives are still taking a back seat to one person, who survived that attack in Tucson.

By now you know that I’m writing about the “shooting rampage” that put Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords in the hospital with a gun shot to the head. But I’ll detour for a second to tell you why I’ve titled this post “The T Word.”

Nearly every news network I’ve seen has given this story a title: Tragedy in Tucson. Of course, local stations have followed. Yes, it is a tragedy. Yes, it happened in Tucson. How convenient for a legion of lazy journalists. (Notice how I used “Legion” and “Lazy?”) Both start with “L.” Anyone who’s taken a high school poetry course knows that’s what we call alliteration. Tragedy in Tucson gives news outlets a nice little package to put the story in. But this story is not little and it should not be packaged.

The headline is this: A United States Congresswoman is in the hospital. It’s brutal.

That guy approached her and pointed a gun at her head. But after that, he killed a bunch of people, including a little, 9-year-old girl. We have no way of knowing which act had the biggest consequence on us as a society. If a little girl had been shot dead in Tucson, the President would not have led the nation in a moment of silence. We mourn as a country because a member of Congress is injured. I’m not saying we shouldn’t. The attempt by anyone to assassinate a public official for their vote or their beliefs is deplorable. But who knows what little Christina Taylor-Green might have contributed to society or to American government in two or three decades.

Geez, she was born on September 11th, 2001. She was committed to learning more about civics and service and was well aware of the inequalities in society and thankful for the blessings in her life.

I could spend a lot of time and a lot of space on this page talking about the discourse of American politics – how the rhetoric and tone has become hostile and may have led to this kind of violence. Maybe I will someday…. Soon.

Okay, I will for a second. Jared Loughner is crazy. He is solely responsible for what happened Saturday in Tucscon (allegedly). But surely, all this talk about “crosshairs” and “reloading” couldn’t have helped. It’s not as if Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin are responsible for what he did. Of course, they’re not. But it’s obvious that their language, which is entirely self-serving, added fuel to the fire. It’s not about left or right. I’m sure Keith Olbermann is adding fuel to the fire of some other nut-job out there too.

I am one person – and so are you. I share this country with 300 plus million people. All of them have different needs, different backgrounds, different philosophies and different ideals. I accept that half of those people, maybe more, disagree with me on issues of national health care, taxes and abortion. Of course they do! We’re 300 million different people. The point is: No one is right (correct). You don’t have the answers for me and I don’t have the answers for you. We have to deal with it. We SHARE this country. And that means accepting views that might be different from yours.

Okay. Enough of that. Back to the original point. Over the last two days, news networks, and local TV stations have told you the story. They told you about Representative Giffords’ condition. They’ve told you about the Jared Loughner’s past.

And they’ve put it all under the lazy and convenient title: Tragedy in Tucson. But you don’t have to buy it. Maybe some other news outlet there is more focused on the life of a 9-year-old girl than whether their coverage has a title with alliteration. Maybe someone out there wants you to know more than the condition of a Congresswoman, but also wants you to know that this is not okay. We don’t have to buy that bullshit.



I didn’t know who Christina Taylor-Green was before someone killed her on January 8, 2011. Now I know a little bit about who she was and I miss her. I’ll miss what she might have brought to this world. And I do not care if my news coverage has alliteration.

New Year's Resolution

New Year's Resolution.




I resolve to write more this year.

It's been about eight months since I legitimately contributed to this blog. Too long. Not because there are throngs of people out there clamoring to read what I write, but because I do this for me. And to neglect this blog is to neglect myself and what I believe is nourishing, good and part of my future.



As I set goals for myself for the new year, I find I have plenty of the same needs and desires that just about everyone has.



Love.

Happiness.

Success.

Happiness.



But I know that even if I found all of those things. I would still be searching.... for beauty in my life. The one thing I do right in life is notice and appreciate the blessings I have. I am more than enormously blessed. Two years ago, in my deepest self-loathing, I might have said "I get more than I deserve." But today I might mention that I deserve that and more. We all do.



I resolve to move forward through this year not only expecting to receive many blessings, but also to be a blessing to others in my life.



I have been an idiot. I confess that I have been given gifts that I do not deserve. I've taken things for granted... yes, I've taken people for granted. I am often the beneficiary of such incredible generosity. Despite my insistence on the negative, people in my life have shown me remarkable amounts of optimism and faith. Faith in me that, to this day, I do not deserve. I have to do a better job of listening and hearing what the world and what these incredible people are telling me.



Today, even as my nature forces me into areas of darkness, candles are lit around me. Small flames of light and warmth. Until today, I've insisted on blowing them out. NO MORE. I accept these gifts. I embrace this light. I will no longer disregard them or allow them to burn themselves out. I will stoke them - make them brighter. More than that, I will light fires in the lives of others. I will bring the gifts I've been given out into the light - no longer burying them.



Another thing: I'm going to lighten up! Healing time is over. I am well.



It's 2011. I'm half way through my life. The first half has given me so much! The next half will give me more. And I will give it back. I resolve do disregard gravity. I resolve to love. I resolve to be loved.



Happy New Year!