New Year's Resolution

New Year's Resolution.




I resolve to write more this year.

It's been about eight months since I legitimately contributed to this blog. Too long. Not because there are throngs of people out there clamoring to read what I write, but because I do this for me. And to neglect this blog is to neglect myself and what I believe is nourishing, good and part of my future.



As I set goals for myself for the new year, I find I have plenty of the same needs and desires that just about everyone has.



Love.

Happiness.

Success.

Happiness.



But I know that even if I found all of those things. I would still be searching.... for beauty in my life. The one thing I do right in life is notice and appreciate the blessings I have. I am more than enormously blessed. Two years ago, in my deepest self-loathing, I might have said "I get more than I deserve." But today I might mention that I deserve that and more. We all do.



I resolve to move forward through this year not only expecting to receive many blessings, but also to be a blessing to others in my life.



I have been an idiot. I confess that I have been given gifts that I do not deserve. I've taken things for granted... yes, I've taken people for granted. I am often the beneficiary of such incredible generosity. Despite my insistence on the negative, people in my life have shown me remarkable amounts of optimism and faith. Faith in me that, to this day, I do not deserve. I have to do a better job of listening and hearing what the world and what these incredible people are telling me.



Today, even as my nature forces me into areas of darkness, candles are lit around me. Small flames of light and warmth. Until today, I've insisted on blowing them out. NO MORE. I accept these gifts. I embrace this light. I will no longer disregard them or allow them to burn themselves out. I will stoke them - make them brighter. More than that, I will light fires in the lives of others. I will bring the gifts I've been given out into the light - no longer burying them.



Another thing: I'm going to lighten up! Healing time is over. I am well.



It's 2011. I'm half way through my life. The first half has given me so much! The next half will give me more. And I will give it back. I resolve do disregard gravity. I resolve to love. I resolve to be loved.



Happy New Year!